Stupid questions are always fun. I love them. Here are some stupid questions and answers you come across

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .
Stupid Question:-
Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:-
Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet…
Stupid Question:-
Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:-
No, not at all, I’m on local anesthesia.. …why don’t you try again.
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask…
Stupid Question:-
Why, why him, of all people.
Answer:-
Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-
Is ! the “Butter Paneer Masala” dish good??
Answer:-
No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years…
Stupid Question:-
Munna, Chickoo, you’ve become so big.
Answer:-
Well you haven’t particularly s hr unk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask…
Stupid Question:-
Is the guy you’re marrying good?
Answer:-
No,he’s a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout….it’s just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call…
Stupid Question:-
Sorry. were you sleeping?
Answer:-
No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping…. you dumb witted moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair…
Stupid Question:-
Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:-
No, its autumn and I’m shedding…. …
9. At the dentist when he’s sticking pointed objects in your mouth…
Stupid Question:-
Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-
No it wont. It will just bleed.
10.. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks…
Stupid Question:-
Oh, so you smoke.
Answer:-
Gosh, it’s a miracle …….it was a piece of chalk and now it’s in flames!!!

Tags

Entertainment, Forward Mails

Very nice story. I like so much.

Let me know what is there in your Jar .

When things in your life seem, almost too much to handle,
When 24 Hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open Areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

‘Now,’ said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
‘I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things – family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else –The small stuff.

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ He continued,
there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So…

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

‘Take care of the golf balls first –
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.’

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
‘I’m glad you asked’.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.’

Tags

Forward Mails

Although you may not realize it, simple table salt has a great number of uses other than simply seasoning your food. The following list will give you sixty uses of salt, many of which you probably didn’t realize:

Soak stained hankies in salt water before washing.
Sprinkle salt on your shelves to keep ants away.
Soak fish in salt water before descaling; the scales will come off easier.
Put a few grains of rice in your salt shaker for easier pouring.
Add salt to green salads to prevent wilting…
Test the freshness of eggs in a cup of salt water; fresh eggs sink; bad ones float.
Add a little salt to your boiling water when cooking eggs; a cracked egg will stay in its shell this way.
A tiny pinch of salt with egg whites makes them beat up fluffier.
Soak wrinkled apples in a mildly salted water solution to perk them up.
Rub salt on your pancake griddle and your flapjacks won’t stick.
Soak toothbrushes in salt water before you first use them; they will last longer.
Use salt to clean your discolored coffee pot.
Mix salt with turpentine to whiten you bathtub and toilet bowl.
Soak your nuts in salt brine overnight and they will crack out of their shells whole. Just tap the end of the shell with a hammer to break it open easily.
Boil clothespins in salt water before using them and they will last longer.
Clean brass, copper and pewter with paste made of salt and vinegar, thickened with flour
Add a little salt to the water your cut flowers will stand in for a longer life.
Pour a mound of salt on an ink spot on your carpet; let the salt soak up the stain.
Clean your iron by rubbing some salt on the damp cloth on the ironing surface.
Adding a little salt to the water when cooking foods in a double boiler will make the food cook faster.
Use a mixture of salt and lemon juice to clean piano keys.
To fill plaster holes in your walls, use equal parts of salt and starch, with just enough water to make a stiff putty.
Rinse a sore eye with a little salt water.
Mildly salted water makes an effective mouthwash. Use it hot for a sore throat gargle.
Dry salt sprinkled on your toothbrush makes a good tooth polisher.
Use salt for killing weeds in your lawn.
Eliminate excess suds with a sprinkle of salt.
A dash of salt in warm milk makes a more relaxing beverage.
Before using new glasses, soak them in warm salty water for awhile.
A dash of salt enhances the taste of tea. ?
Salt improves the taste of cooking apples.
Soak your clothes line in salt water to prevent your clothes from freezing to the line; likewise, use salt in your final rinse to prevent the clothes from freezing.
Rub any wicker furniture you may have with salt water to prevent yellowing.
Freshen sponges by soaking them in salt water.
Add raw potatoes to stews and soups that are too salty.
Soak enamel pans in salt water overnight and boil salt water in them next day to remove burned-on stains.
Clean your greens in salt water for easier removal of dirt.
Gelatin sets more quickly when a dash of salt is added.
Fruits put in mildly salted water after peeling will not discolor.
Fabric colors hold fast in salty water wash…
Milk stays fresh longer when a little salt is added.
Use equal parts of salt and soda for brushing your teeth.
Sprinkle salt in your oven before scrubbing clean.
Soaked discolored glass in a salt and vinegar solution to remove stains..
Clean greasy pans with a paper towel and salt.
Salty water boils faster when cooking eggs.
Add a pinch of salt to whipping cream to make it whip more quickly.
Sprinkle salt in milk-scorched pans to remove odor.
A dash of salt improves the taste of coffee…
Boil mismatched hose in salty water and they will come out matched.
Salt and soda will sweeten the odor of your refrigerator.
Cover wine-stained fabric with salt; rinse in cool water later.
Remove offensive odors from stove with salt and cinnamon.
A pinch of salt improves the flavor of cocoa.
To remove grease stains in clothing, mix one part salt to four parts alcohol.
Salt and lemon juice? Removes mildew.
Sprinkle salt between sidewalk bricks where you don’t want grass growing.
Polish your old kerosene lamp with salt for a better look.
Remove odors from sink drainpipes with a strong, hot solution of salt water.
If a pie bubbles over in your oven, put a handful of salt on top of the spilled juice. The mess won’t smell and will bake into a dry, light crust which will wipe off easily when the oven has cooled

Tags

Forward Mails, Nature, general

I am not sure who wrote this poem: the person who wrote is really a GOOD BOY!

I went to a party Mom,
I remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom,
So I drank soda instead.

I really felt proud inside, Mom,
The way you said I would.
I didn’t drink and drive, Mom,
Even though the others said I should.

I know I did the right thing, Mom,
I know you are always right.
Now the party is finally ending, Mom,
As everyone is driving out of sight.

As I got into my car, Mom,
I knew I’d get home in one piece.
Because of the way you raised me,
So responsible and sweet.

I started to drive away, Mom,
But as I pulled out into the road,
The other car didn’t see me, Mom,
And hit me like a load.

As I lay there on the pavement, Mom,
I hear the policeman say,
“The other guy is drunk,” Mom,
And now I’m the one who will pay.

I’m lying here dying, Mom….
I wish you’d get here soon.
How could this happen to me, Mom?
My life just burst like a balloon.

There is blood all around me, Mom,
And most of it is mine.
I hear the medic say, Mom,
I’ll die in a short time.

I just wanted to tell you, Mom,
I swear I didn’t drink.
It was the others, Mom.
The others didn’t think.

He was probably at the same party as I.
The only difference is, he drank
And I will die.

Why do people drink, Mom?
It can ruin your whole life.
I’m feeling sharp pains now.
Pains just like a knife.

The guy who hit me is walking, Mom,
And I don’t think it’s fair.
I’m lying here dying
And all he can do is stare.

Tell my brother not to cry, Mom.
Tell Daddy to be brave.
And when I go to heaven, Mom,
Put “GOOD BOY ” on my grave.

Someone should have told him, Mom,
Not to drink and drive.
If only they had told him, Mom,
I would still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom.
I’m becoming very scared.
Please don’t cry for me, Mom.
When I needed you, you were always there.

I have one last question, Mom.
Before I say good bye.
I didn’t drink and drive,
So why am I the one to die?

Write about your reply for the question
“So why am I the one to die?“

Tags

Forward Mails

When i got up from my bed today i found this message on my bed right next to my hand… so i titled it say what it talks about… (just kidding… i got it in my mail from my friend.)

To: You
From: God
Date: Today
Subject: Yourself
Ref: Life

This is God. Today I will be handling All of your problems for you. I do Not need your help. So, have a nice day.

I love you.

P.S.

And, remember…

If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (‘Something for God To Do’) box.

It will be addressed in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don’t despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work, think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad, think of the person who has never known what it’s like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend, think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance, think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror, think of the cancer patient in chemotherapy who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn’t live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities, remember, things could be worse. You could be them!!!!

GOD

Tags

Forward Mails

Very nice story i got from my friend.. Hope you like it.

How often do you let other people’s nonsense change your mood?

Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly one can get back their focus on what’s important.
David J.Pollay explains his story in this way.

Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here’s what happened. I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car’s back end by just inches!

The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. My taxi
driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was friendly. So, I said, “Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!”

And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, “The Law of the Garbage Truck.”

Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they’ll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don’t take it personally. You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You’ll be happy you did.

I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me?
And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the streets? It was that day I said, “I’m not going to
do it anymore.”

Life’s too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. Love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don’t.

Believe that everything happens for a reason.
Never let the garbage truck run over you..

Tags

Forward Mails